Women today are told that we have it all – careers, families, children, community involvement, and relationships. But more often than not, getting it all done leaves us with no time or energy for ourselves.
Recent research has shown that women today are less happy than they were 40 years ago. There are many theories as to why, but lack of free time may be a major reason.
“There is so much stress and pressure on women: to be parents, to be daughters, to be mothers, to be wives, to be professionals. All of these roles combined leave many of us not taking proper care of ourselves – what sustains us and what gives us. The energy to take care of all these other responsibilities that we have,” says Randy Kamen Gradinger, a Wayland, MA, psychologist and life coach specializing in women’s issues.
Whether you’re juggling toddlers, sleepily waiting for your teenager to come home, caring for your aging parents — or all of the above — every woman needs a break from time to time for sanity. It means taking time to do something for yourself every day.
But how can you do that?
First, understand how important it is.
“I’ve been talking to women about this for years, and we seem to have a hard time even realizing that we deserve to be on our priority list,” says author Amy Tyman. Mojo Mom: Nurturing Yourself While Raising a Family and founder of Mojomom.com.
“If you can’t do it because you feel you deserve it, look at it this way: You’re a first responder, an emergency can happen at any time, and you need to be relaxed and refreshed. As you want. You want to be your ER doctor or EMT,” Tieman says. “And besides, taking care of yourself will make you a better parent and partner. You’ll have more fun being around yourself and being more responsive to your family.”
Okay, so you’re convinced. It is time for you to take time. Now, when can you fit it in? Don’t wait for time to just magically appear. It won’t happen.
Make your free time as important as your pediatrician visit, conference call, and appointment with the contractor. Treat it just like any other appointment.
“You have to build in battery recharge time,” says Margaret Moore, co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School. “We’re very good at project management in our work lives, but not so good in our personal lives. Treat it like any project: I want to recharge my batteries so that I’m so tired and exhausted.” Don’t feel it.”
Try to spend at least half an hour to an hour every day for yourself. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. And before you decide what you’re going to do with the time you’ve built into your schedule, promise yourself you won’t waste it.
“We are a multitasking society,” says Allison Cohen, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. If we are talking with a friend, we are thinking about other things that we have to do. “Instead, you need to be present in the moment. Whatever you’re doing for you, don’t think about your grocery list or your PowerPoint presentation. There’s so much time in our day that we can enjoy.” We can, but we miss it because we’re focused on what we have to do next.”
You don’t need much time, either. Here are ideas for creating more than 5 minutes of “me” time.
- Sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Or a cup of coffee and No Just look at the newspaper. No phones or calendars allowed.
- Call a friend to chat. This doesn’t mean planning a bake sale or organizing a neighborhood watch — just talk, without an agenda.
- movement Get up from your desk, stretch, and walk around the block or up and down a flight of stairs.
- Take a deep breath. While you are sitting in your office, car, or home, focus on breathing slowly and comfortably for 5 minutes. It’s okay if your mind wanders a little, but don’t start planning what you need to do – just follow your breath.
- Pet your pet. Focus on petting a cat or dog for 5 minutes. You will both feel better.
- Put on your iPod and hit shuffle. Then just sit back and listen.
- Read a chapter of a book that you want to devote time to. Keep a basket in your office or living room with a good book, magazine, crossword puzzle, or other short escape.
- Find a nearby park and go for a brisk walk.
- potter This does not mean cleaning the house or organizing your children’s clothes. Instead, it means doing the little things at home that make you happy, like trimming rose petals and putting together a bouquet for your office or kitchen.
- Put in the tub. If you’re a parent, make sure another adult is on duty, so no “Mom!” Plan to have some amazing bath products on hand. Don’t forget a glass of ice water or wine.
- Get a massage, a facial, or a mini-pedi.
- take a nap
- Schedule a class you’ve always wanted to take just for fun. For example, Amy Tyman took an improvised comedy class to spend the night by herself after the birth of her daughter.
- Plan a long walk with a friend. Commit to it at the beginning of the week and honor the commitment. You’re not training for anything, you’re not trying to run, you’re just going for a long walk with a good friend and enjoying the day.
Add your own favorites to these lists. Whatever you choose to do with your “me” time, make it relaxing and restorative.
“If you don’t feel like it works for you, try something else,” Moore says. “‘Needs’ are the enemies of rest. Think not of what you ought to do, but think of what makes you progress.”